Sunday, April 19, 2009

Something is happening that is not happening.

The first rains of the season are here. I've been inside all day doing constructive things.
So far I went Michael's, got some paint and spray sealer, went to Meijer, got some healthier food, started painting my bike, and sprayed this bookshelf I have been gradually working on. I wrote in my journal which has waited a little over a year to be put to use.

I've been in a weird mood lately. I don't know why. Everything feels a little out of place?
My Mom was down here last week and told me she is finally filing for divorce. I saw that coming, but only like 8 months ago. It's strange, I don't know how i feel about the whole situation yet. My parents use to be the only little strand of hope that a marriage could last. Now there is nothing that can convince me at all, and don't try to change my mind, because it is set, and once its set, thats that. Nothing else. 
I guess I can't complain though, I've always said I will never get married, but maybe there was some unconscious part that thought maybe there is hope for that big yard, a garden, and that picket white fence. Thinking about this kind of shit makes me even not want to have any sort of relations at all because then I think, what's the point? Where is it going anyways? I just need to keep telling myself that it does not matter what way you go, just go. 


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